Apologies in advance, but it's not possible to rant on this particular subject without plumbing the depths and lowering myself to the ever increasing number of brainless amongst us. You may think that this tale is an exception but it's my experience that this activity is becoming all too common...... I'm sorry to say!
How many times have you narrowly missed a head on collision with someone who's totally absorbed with the latest inane Tweets of a celebrity 'Z' lister or those who are urgently updating a Facebook page with their latest drunken exploits from the previous evening. I'm talking of course about the current scourge of our society..... the dreaded Smart Phone. If like me, you have observed that the "Smartness" of the phone seems to be inversely proportional to the "Smartness" of the user, read on.
As I eluded to earlier, this is where things get distasteful. During a recent visit to the Gentlemen's wash room I was unfortunate enough to observe two individuals (in the space of just a few minutes) stood at the urinals, phones in one hand and their "junk" in the other. Now I should state at this point that I'm not afflicted with O.C.D but I do think that some good general hygiene practices are preferable to wiping your latest prized tech around your exposed groin area, particularly if you intend to make a voice call with it afterwards! What could possibly be so important that these people can't wait for the short time it takes to evacuate their bladders?
Perhaps their bladders are too engorged from the previous evening drunken exploits....
Perhaps their time is so valuable that they can't possibly waste as single moment....
Perhaps there genitalia is hideously deformed and they can't bare to gaze upon it...
NO! THEY'RE BRAIN DEAD AUTOMATONS!!!
I also think that these are the individuals who would rather "walk" than "wash", leaving the rest of us with the worrying prospect of trying to leave the wash room without touching the door handle. Yet another disturbing practice that seems to be predominantly perpetuated by the management layer where I work!
This all brings to mind the insightful writings of Douglas Adams and his sub-plot story of the planetary race who wanted to get rid of what they perceived as being their 'useless third of society'. They concocted a story that their world was dying and they were all going to colonise another planet by building massive space ships, capable of carrying their entire population. In order to ensure that the 'New World' was fit to inhabit, the first ship to depart was filled with, amongst others, Marketing Agents, Hair Dressers and Telephone Sanitisers. Problem solved, they thought. However soon after the first ship departed, the entire remaining population was wiped out by a particularly virulent disease caught from a dirty telephone.
The warning of this tale is clear to all. Before you use your colleagues phone to make a call or innocently press it to your cheek having been asked to contribute to a conversation, ask yourself this burning question.
Where has that phone been before it came to me.............?
