As the up and coming holiday season approaches and many of us start to
think of warmer climates, I can’t seem to tear my thoughts away from the perennial
sport of “Baggage Reclaim Carousel Hogging”. This preoccupation seems to be the
preserve of the males in any given party who, in some kind of primitive land
grab, attempt to secure the best spot next to the conveyor in order to ensure
that their prized artefacts are safely restored to their rightful owners.
Females on the other hand are tasked with the less strenuous supporting role of
“Luggage Trolley Totty”. This leaves "Ankle Biters" to assume a free floating position where they can occupy both locations, though their final position can be critical to the overall
success of the more enlightened reclaimer.
Almost before the ink has fully dried on their newly acquired passport
stamp, the alpha males in the herd stride across the arrivals hall to stake
claim to a prime spot as close as is humanly possible to the conveyor. Before
too long a seemingly impenetrable wall of testosterone fuelled Neanderthals have
surrounded the belt and are eagerly looking for signs of life from the dark and
gloomy “Cave of Lost Belongings”. A simple truth seems to have evaded most of them
in that, no matter how close you stand to the carousel your luggage will not
emerge any faster than the “Gods of Broken Baggage” will permit.
As alluded to earlier, some of the more enlightened amongst us have now
opted for a new sport. By standing back from the crowd, we get a better view of
approaching baggage. We can then stalk the bag or baggage as it wends its way
around serpent of sacs until a chink in the wall appears. It’s than a simple
task to reach through the gap, snatch you belongings and hopefully flatten a
Neanderthal’s offspring whilst reclaiming your property. Those lucky enough to “bag”
multiple offspring with a single swinging suitcase can earn extra points so the
choice of extraction location and wall cavity is critical to your overall score.
I had feared that this sport may be curtailed if some of the alphas
wake up to the fact that, if they step back a couple of paces they will be able
to see more, give more people access and reduce the risk to life & limb for
their rung rats.
Who am I kidding, that’ll never happen!
